“The Illustrious Shrine of Dazzling Fortitude”


5 of 5 starsReviewed 1 week ago (TRIPADVISOR)
13th Feb 2016

To quote Wilde, “Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” As a child, the true meaning was lost to me; I could only grasp at the concept. Only now in my maturity following my glorious experience at OnaPlate, can I fully appreciate what infinitely precious things I have had the good fortune of receiving in my life.

I was first drawn to the shrine that is OnaPlate after a brutal swimming session. I was weary. I was drained. I couldn’t bear to face the long day ahead. Then it emerged out of the cold winter mist, like a flame, and I the moth drawn inevitably towards it. To call this heavenly establishment a café I feel would be demeaning. It is a palace of pleasure and delight.

I fumbled my way through the door, and like a Disney princess, I was in love at first sight. The gentle ambient music felt like silk in my ears as I made my way towards the counter, where I was greeted by the friendly staff, who took my order and escorted me to the illustrious golden banquet table. Barely a minute passed before I was presented with a glorious feast of freshly cooked salmon on granary bread.

My first bite was of an experience surpassing the first time I made love to a woman. I felt the divine food escort me to the heavens, where the gods were laughing and sipping on the finest Beyerskloof wine. It was an orgasm of my taste buds, as I felt them dancing to ‘September’ by Earth Wind and Fire inside my mouth. The Salmon was extraordinary and the granary bread was succulent and pristine; indeed I am struggling to find superlatives worthy to describe the sheer wonder of this sensual experience.

I finished, stunned and awestruck by the majesty of the experience. I shivered a little; weak at the knees and breathless, trembling like a child as I left this celestial institution. Alas do not be afraid. Enter and reap the rewards of victory and fortitude. To experience the full glory of OnaPlate is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

P.S. Carvery is kak

  • Visited February 2016
    • 5 of 5 stars
    • 5 of 5 stars
    • 5 of 5 stars

4 Thank Aaron D